Todays physio session was by far the hardest yet. I was doing exercises to improve my gait and posture, and they were really hard. I couldn’t do them at first and I got really frustrated. I feel pathetic. I should be able to do simple exercises like these. I feel like crying sometimes, and I had to stop myself today. That really would have been pathetic, crying in front of the physio.
The PT reassured me that of course they are going to be tough at first, but I will get stronger. I know all this by now but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I still feel weak and feel like I am moving too slowly, I was expecting to be a lot stronger than this. I think my expectations of post op were unrealistic, I thought it would be easy. But this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. And I want it to be over.
I have been trying to arrange a placement for July. I haven’t had much luck. I am really panicking now, what if I cant get one? If I cant, it means I cant go back to uni in sept.
I sent an email to my tutor panicking and asking if anything had come up. Luckily something has! I just need approval from my surgeon. Oh no, what if he says I can’t? I want to do it! And I would be prepared to do it without his permission, except uni want a letter to confirm it. Help! I feel I would be fine for placement though, I am much stronger than I was and by the time July comes round I will be even further along. I don’t think it is a very physical placement either, so hopefully it will be a breeze!
8th June – hydrotherapy
I had my first session of hydro today which felt like a waste of time. I didn’t really do much, but the PT said they always go easy on you on the first session. I cant wait til I can go back to the gym and start swimming properly again. I feel fat from being so immobile and not doing much physical activity.
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